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Butt Out of a Situation 100 Times Even When You Think You Are Right or Know the Answer

Finished 2/26/17

Even though I just put down today's date, in all actuality, I've been working on this for several weeks now and could probably site numerous examples when I have kept my pie hole shut when I could have stepped in in my best Mighty Mouse voice and "Saved the Day."  The urge to make sure someone knows when they are in error, is at times overwhelming.  I'm sure Jeremy would look at this one and laugh hysterically.  "Butt out? Like you ever."  In the past few weeks I have refrained from correcting colleagues pronunciation, misguided ideas on what a 504 is and how google drive actually works.  At home I have kept myself from correcting behaviors in the kids I would normally have jumped on or snapped at.  I have even physically shielded my eyes so I couldn't see a particular behavior.  My best tactic is to silently (and sometimes verbally when the pressure is just too great) say "Not my monkeys."  I am not referring to actual people as monkeys mind you.  The full phrase is "Not my monkeys. Not my circus." Basically means you have no dog in the hunt, no skin in the game, no reason to put your oar in, NO REASON TO GET INVOLVED.

I originally started with the number 50 and quickly realized that over 5 days I would get that.  Now I might not be able to document every instance, but I will check back in when the heat is on and I really feel the pressure of this list item.  It is something I need to do not only for me, but especially for the people around me.  Uphill battle indeed.

I have felt a wee bit freer since giving it a go.  Taking a deep breath, knowing it's not my problem and I don't have to take it on as a responsibility has given me more time to focus on other things.  Things that make me happy and people who are important to me.  Lots of deep breaths to come.

7/21/16 Just call me Mrs. Buttoutski.  I am doing awesome!!! Most of my opportunities are of course with the kids. I did break down and correct Abby tonight when she was telling me the front door was locked when I knew it wasn't because I opened it for her and I didn't unlock it.  However, she kept coming at me with "Yes it was."  I admit I did raise my voice a hair to contradict her. She finally relented.  At dinner there were several times I could have been contrary, but I chose to ignore the more asinine comments and just eat in peace.  "Not my monkeys. Not my monkeys."  

8/2/16 I wanted to share my experience with 504s today and answer questions for people, but I kept my mouth shut and let others do the talking.  I wasn't needed.  It is amazing how strong the urge to get involved is even when I really have no reason to do so.

8/5/16 Not sure if this counts technically, but I guess I'm the ultimate judge, so it counts.  I wanted to make a list of things to do for Jeremy since he is at home right now, but I resisted the urge.  I just asked him to take care of Mena's bath and put some laundry in.  I have to let him manage his own time.  He is a big boy and I can't treat him like a kid no matter how tempting.  I think that is a victory.  I know he'd be please if he knew I was resisting.

8/22/16 I did a good job tonight not sticking my nose in after Kaleb didn't respond to a question I asked.  Well, technically he did respond, but he didn't answer the question. My inclination was to tell him the error of his conversational ways. I even verbalized a grunt or something like it, but then decided I would just leave it.  Jeremy stepped in and chatted with him about it. My nose needs to remain as clean as possible. It is just better coming from Jeremy.  His words make more of an impact than mine do, which is the way it should be.  Definitely not perfect with this buttowski thing, but I am making choices and taking baby steps.

8/28/16 Kaleb just asked me to weigh in on whether an activity he performed earlier in the day would be considered productive. I told him he needed to fall back on the conversations he has had with his dad about what being productive is. I could that as a butt out score.

9/3/16 Early this morning I did not but out. Kaleb was getting onto Abby about the way she was transporting the knives from the dishwasher to the knife holder, about 2 feet in distance. Before I could stop myself I was getting onto him about minding his own business. Pot meet Kettle. On a better note, I did decide to not let anybody else determine my mood before leaving on our trip to Rushmore. That's because I started the day rather irritated and I was so excited about the trip yesterday. I felt like someone had stolen my joy, but nobody has that power over me. I decide how I will feel and respond to things. I decide.

9/5/16 I am sure I can't count the number of times this weekend I butted out of something. I can taste blood on my tongue from where I bit it over and over again. It ranged from not correcting something someone said that I knew to be incorrect to just not sharing my opinion with someone about a whole host of topics. The fact is nobody actually cared about what I said anyway, well not everyone and me talking would just be a waste of breath. I would like to say that it makes me feel good to butt out, to keep my opinions to myself, but in reality it doesn't. I get some sick pleasure from sharing it and from being right.  But like I have told so many others, do you want to be right or do you want to be heard. Most of the time you can't have both no matter how much you want it. I think I will just call this 5 butt outs even though it is way more. I have plenty of opportunity to butt out over the next five years. I'm already up to 12. Woot, woot!!!

9/10/16 Kaleb really needs to shave and several times today I kept my mouth shut about it. And just a little while ago the boys were arguing because Kaleb pointed out that David has a zit. Of course, David countered by pointing out the several Kaleb has. Kaleb countered with the fact that his zits are full of puss. i know it isn't puss, but that is basically what he said. David came back with I don't know what because by that time I decided this wasn't about me and I needed to not pay attention. They would figure it out on their own. Boom! 10 down and 40 to go.

9/23/16 I simply can't keep up with the number of times I have held my tongue when I wanted to say something. Can't keep up.

1/31/17 There is no telling how many times I've butted out. But there's also no telling how many times I've stuck my oar in. I need to monitor this one more readily because I think it makes me more aware of when I feel it is my business or I want to control something and I should just let it go. One thing I need to let go is the Naval Academy Summer Camp. I have mentioned it numerous times to David and he says he wants to go. He even got a postcard in the mail about it, but I told him the other day I wouldn't ask him any more about it and it is killing me. I want to shake him and tell him to just fill out the application right now! I need to let it go.

2/12/17 So I've been going to a professional development training for school leaders and each time I go I get something out of it, but I really don't want to go. The instructor doesn't let us have our phones or computers and we actually have to pay attention and participate. How lame! This last time, my great nugget of wisdom (and I am not being sarcastic here) was a quick and easy phrase to use when people are being irrational and still need to make a change or take action on something. It was so simple, but yet so hard to say. I typically like being right and having the last word and dealing with teenagers makes the two of those very rare and unlikely because even though I am actually right, they don't see it. That, of course, drives me insane. So the magical phrase is, "Given that you believe that, what are you going to do?" So when faced with an irrational argument for why something hasn't been done or can't be done, I will not try to get them to see the error of their absolutely ridiculous thought process. I will simply repeat the question above and let them own their shit rather than trying to inform them they are hold a big bag of it and it would be best to dispose of it promptly. If they want to carry it around with them, who am I to try to take it from them? I just need them to figure out that even though they are carrying around the bag of shit, it doesn't change the fact that they have to solve the problem they are faced with or be responsible for their actions or the lack thereof. Given that you believe that is my ultimate butt out phrase.

2/22/17 I have kept my mouth closed so many times the past several days when I wanted to insert myself and my opinion. Amazingly, not doing so actually helped the situations and let me off the hook for having to figure something out. This habit is hard to break.

2/26/17 Truth be told, I am absolutely certain I have already accomplished this goal. I probably finished it off this weekend alone with all the times I kept my mouth closed. I even pulled out the given that you believe that statement when Kaleb told me there was LITERALLY no way to organize his closet any better than it already was. There is simply no place to put anything you see and the mound of junk/crap in the floor was the very best it could be. Well, given that you believe that and I am requiring you to organize it further or you will have no life beyond this bedroom if you don't, what are you going to do? That might not totally be in the spirit of the phrase, but it is in the ballpark. I could site case after case just like this one, but I think I will call this one finished and just add the random story every now and then that really embraces the lessons I have learned by putting my oar back in the boat.